If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
