happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
