i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
