what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
