You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
