We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
