we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
