You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
