those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Oh god it's open bar.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
