Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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