You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
