don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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