do herpes really smell.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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