Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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