i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
