My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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