She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
