He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
