I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
well you can't waste a boner
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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