well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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