Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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