Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
