Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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