Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
