i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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