I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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