So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
