What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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