I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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