Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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