A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
