He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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