Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
50% drunk capacity currently
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
