so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You smell like stripper and shame
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
