have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The air was thick with penises
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
