Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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