Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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