standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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