there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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