some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's rum buckets o'clock
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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