i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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