capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
