i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
