wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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