the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You ruined the universe
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
