Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
