do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
