Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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