the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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