dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
