My friends, they love my intelligence
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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