Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
