u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
