sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
