miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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