I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
